Sorry Mom!!

Since early childhood I was something else, a class clown, and just a little wild. It wasn’t anything of my upbringing but just the baby of the bunch. The coddling didn’t really help but it was just watching the older siblings and trying to show off to get attention.
I ran around with my friends but always showed at dark, you know the old when the street light comes on I better be home. From 5 until about 13 that worked quit well. I still went to the creek when told not to. Got dirty and muddy those school clothes never had a chance. We would ride skate boards and bikes in the “No Trespassing” drainage ditch, we would slide down the moss covered cement drain, it was a whole lot of fun and I would do it today.
That I’m not all that sorry about because I was a kid and that is what kids do. What I am sorry about is the time I took a bong to school in the 8th grade and got caught. I wasn’t ever into the weed smoking but it was the “I am cool” factor. That turned into an actual blessing I was expelled and had to change schools. I became part of the Irish crew at Emerson and have the best friends I could have from both schools as we came together in High School.
Everything was smooth sailing from there until I turned 21 and was “legal” to drink and drink I did. I partied or showed up at parties before then but when that mind set of I can do this anywhere, anytime, I just went with it. One night at a wedding I left and wanted more after party so I was going to look for one. I ended up rear ending a person at a stop light, not fast, not hard but it still happened. As I left the scene a car followed me. They pulled next to me at a stop sign and try to get me to stop. I took off going 90 to nothing without a care in the world. I ran a red light and T-boned a Oldsmobile, a big car going about 80 miles an hour. I didn’t stop and couldn’t see because the hood was through the windshield. I was ran off the road by the car chasing me and all I remember is getting out of the car, them saying I think you killed someone back there and all I could say as I walked to the front of my car was “my car, my car!” No one was hurt by my emotions, their emotions, and the cars.
Mom I am sorry for that, I am sorry for the many blackouts I had. I am sorry for peeing on the hallway floor in the middle of the night. I am sorry for the 100’s of dollars a week it cost to call you and my daughter from prison. I am sorry for the time I blacked out and drove home just for you to find me in the driveway passed out in the car and you finding me with the car running still, looking dead with my tongue hanging out and you pounding on the windshield crying because the doors were locked and you thought I was dead. I am sorry for the many trips you and dad took to see me and for me and my daughter to see each other while I was in prison. I am sorry for the thousands of dollars you spent on lawyers and fines. I am sorry for the thousands you spent on rehab.
Although most of these things caused a co-dependency and may have enabled me to keep doing some things. I am also very thankful for this list and showed me an unconditional love. I wouldn’t have my love for life if it wasn’t for you and dads love for me. Even though I am sorry for the pain and stress, I thank you for loving me as you guys do. I for sure will be forever indebted to your love. THANK YOU… SINCERELY YOUR SON!!

Leave a Reply