3 Years Too Late

Today marks my official 3 years of sobriety March 18th, 2013. I use St. Patty’s Day as my marker, while everyone is partying and celebrating the little green guy, I enjoy my little Irish blend of a daughter.  St. Patricks Day was my last drink at around 11:30 p.m. March 17th, 2013. March 18th I drove to Valley Hope in Cushing, OK which was a Monday. I first drove an hour to go see my lawyer in OKC to fill them in on my self-admittance into rehab.

The title doesn’t mean it’s too late but a song title by The Coronas. The song is fitting for those who feel pain of addiction and starts out “Drunken nights and sunken dreams blur into one in the slipstream.” Many times I have personally felt this pain of many drunken nights and many sunken dreams. My dreams today are realistic dreams of being a good father and the best daddy.

3 years… man, it seems as though yesterday I was facing the judicial system on my DUI counts. 3 years as of January that I got a divorced. 3 years go by fast and now I can look in the mirror and say “you made it 3 years, give me 33 more.” I will never reset that button and I never will be able to. I am glad for that I would never want to reset it back to that shit storm. I can trust today as I prove my trust to others. And that is what it really is about as a known alcoholic. It isn’t about me but it is about me.

As any addict of whatever substance. We have to gain the trust of others. We have had this F U attitude for so long but directed in the wrong ways. Today I give the F U to the no-gooders. To the ones who want to do harm knowing or not. That is the attitude I have to have towards anyone who degrades, belittles, wants to drink, or just doesn’t have my best interest in mind to move forward. To the ones that want to set me back 3 years, I am not having it. This is not to be confused with family and friends who drink or party to have a good time.  They, I know, have my best interest in mind, even if it is little things. They I know will not offer or inflict harm on me, knowing what harms me.  They are what I call true family and friends.

Tonight I tweeted into 107.7 The Franchise radio as I occasionally do almost daily to whatever show may be on.  David Garrett is an awesome radio host and I tweeted to @DGontheRadio to tell him his show is AWESOME. “ 3 years today. I can now remember and enjoy you and March Madness. Thanks for an awesome show #Cheers .” His response on air was something like “Thank you, Joe Dub, I think that is awesome that you can express and share that with us, not everyone can do that or is willing. I would love to see your chip sometime and keep up the good work.” Thank YOU DG, I don’t participate in the chip system although I think it is an admirable program. But the reason I really share that is that one atta boy will give an addict the high they need.  DG might not know it but he could have literally saved a life by recognizing the accomplishment and that, I respect 110%.

I can ramble on forever on this subject and I hope if you find yourself struggling with any addiction that you get a hold of someone and get help.  But as the words echo, YOU have to be ready and if a family member is reading of a current addict, they have to be ready, no matter how many ultimatums you give, you will not change them and most likely make it worse and it will get worse before it gets better no matter what.  You can e-mail me for any contact info or recommendation on rehab or if you just need a good conversation to get you through another day.

The road isn’t easy and there have been many forks in that road.  As of today I seem to be on the right one, enjoying life on a daily basis. GOD leads the way for me and whatever higher power you choose, listen to the details to stay right. BE BLESSED MY FRIENDS!!

I will leave you with the full lyrics of the song!!

Lyrics to Three Years Too Late

Drunken nights and sunken dreams blur into one in the slipstream.
Wasted time – the best kind, that keeps you always on my mind
And it’s never awkward between us. ‘Just a little bit’ is not enough I did it to myself again, sleazy me but it’s not fake

I did it to myself again, sleazy me but it’s not fake
There’s only one man for every angel but I’m three years too late.
No one but myself to blame, it’s getting more than I can take
There’s only one man for every angel but I’m three years too late

The perfect night but I can’t stay. There’s so much standing now in our way.
So take a chance please and make me smile. Just make a decision to change your life.
And it’s never awkward between us. ‘Just a little bit’ is not enough

I did it to myself again, sleazy me but it’s not fake
There’s only one man for every angel but I’m three years too late.
No one but myself to blame, it’s getting more than I can take
There’s only one man for every angel but I’m three years too late

Leave a Reply