It has been a while since I connected my thoughts for the world to view, so here goes a little thinking of thoughts. As of June 1st 2016 I have been removed from prison free and clear with my dues paid for my DUI’s, well as far as time and sentencing are concerned. So here I am a year and some change, what has become a great change I might add. I still hold some inside, of trust and resentment towards very few. But what I don’t hold inside are those emotions, those entangled hurts inside that little brain of mine. I talk about things, I don’t let people tread on me, I instead speak my mind no matter if that means breaking relationships or causing strife. I would rather be straight forward and speak my mind, then have those emotions eat me up and become submissive which then results in wanting to wash them out or try to kill them with alcohol like we sometimes do with wounds. Instead use the peroxide it is a lot more soothing to the wounds and sometimes only stings for a second. Change what your using to treat your wounds.
At times we miss treat our wounds which then leaves scars, I personally just have to deal with looking in the mirror metaphorically and seeing those scars, but physically just like the big scar under my eye, sooner or later the hurts and scars become part of you. They end up building your character, they are part of you so wear them as you are, not something you have to hide. All hiding does, it begins to eat at you until anxiety, depression, or many more health issues take over, you wear your scars, your faults, and those twisting roads proudly but with a humble attitude.
I am not perfect and have a really faded jacked up roadmap, much like Curly had in City Slickers. But guess what the roads left are nothing less than twisting to the end result. I always hope I am choosing the right turn but never taking to many rights to end up in the same spot I began. If I am always right then I have stopped learning and I never want to stop learning. My 5-year daughter teaches me new things every time I see her, that is something I hope never stops, good or bad.
Just beware as we all know, family, friends, co-workers, bosses, customers… the list goes on will always leave their mark. There will always be hurts, whether it is they are meaning to or not, they will just come and go. That isn’t just something done against you but in accidents, failing grades or work, and even death. Hurts come in all forms not just stealing, divorce, or talking bad about one another. The problem I have but is way better is taking those hurts as a motivation, as a learning process, just as something that I personally can look at as I am now more aware than yesterday. And with those hurts have come to me not trusting or attachment issues. But hell I already said I am not perfect and today I declare you are not either, so I might as well give some TRUST if I even think I deserve it in return.
So this is it, the day, the evening or early morning that I give my trust to you and as I grow, ending this 13th month of freedom, I hope I am gaining some trust too. Loving what I do, earning trust in the community doing my work, only one thing I could ask for more of is that Lil’ Redhead but you know what, I know Daddy is doing right by what society has asked. And that is all I can do, to be a daddy and to be sober, which makes me be the best dad she will ever know. I hope you find a little happiness and hope in these words, that they help keep you safe, keep you sober. Reach out and ask for help. Just be careful what help you are asking for. Change starts with as it did with me. To All My Friends and Family, I Love You… Let us get back to the basics!!
As always forgive the rambling and English miscues!! No Nazi’s Allowed….. HAHA