Tonight I will reflect on things that I usually don’t share nor glorify and just try to live a “normal” life. I, the alcoholic, was 3 years ago in middle of a divorce, 2 years ago I was waiting to see what society wanted to do with me, 1 year ago I was sitting in prison, 6 months ago I was still sitting in prison waiting to hear the word of its time to go home.
From June 1st until now I have been blessed to be home, blessed to have more than 32 months of sobriety. Blessed to be able to tell my story, I had always been a little on the crazy side ready to party, ready to tear shit up, never knowing or being concerned with consequences.
Depression, Emotions, which lead to drinking as an escape, and I used many excuses to just drink. I never was the type to need a drink when I woke up or be desperate to find a drink. But when it was time to drink I was like a college kid on spring break, A BINGE DRINKER at its finest/worst. I would black out all the time and wake up all pissy. LOL. Sorry friends. Binge drinking can be the worst and most deadly for all aspects involved, there was never a shutoff valve it was all or nothing. I needed an audience, I never drank alone, maybe it was the misery loves company aspect and I was always the one who was miserable. I don’t even know why really loss of great friends, not finishing college at the time, didn’t follow the path I wanted or dreamed of, who knows what it really was. But today I sit here with my shoulders square, chin held high, looking at my daughter sleeping here with a tear in my eye. She is my blessing a blessing in disguise because without her, I would probably still not care to die.
I read a funny quote the other day about the alcoholic, “Drinking is like a slow suicide. Like being nibbled to death by a duck.” This is for me not for the ones who like to drink or be social. One thing I was afraid of was acceptance from both sides with my friends, one they would be afraid to drink around me causing a wedge of social discomfort, or me not accepting them and afraid I would want to have another with the boys. Turns out we are not all that Chicken Shit and was just a false problem I created in my head. It’s about, 1. Being strong in what you need to do for yourself, I didn’t want or feel I should block any friends from my new life style. 2. I have always surrounded myself with strong friends and relationships that would never trip me up with their own pressure. Today I enjoy my friends and watching sports like always, Dr. Pepper stock has went up quite a bit… so invest now.
If you are a person or know a person struggling with any addiction or emotional discomfort, I pray for you, it is a fight that many may not accept, know, or quite frankly don’t care to realize. I am for you and will stand behind you, or in front of you to shield you from the darts and daggers that can be thrown by society. I will fight for you the best I can, I can help somewhat, I can guide you to better help than I can give.
I pride myself in being an exception to societies rule of inmates and how the system changes people for the worst. Believe me it would have if I was involved like that. I read, I wrote, I prayed to God. I might have smoked a cigarette or two to get by. It wouldn’t have been as easy without family and friends. It wouldn’t have been easy without God. If you’re struggling today or maybe you have been through the main struggle and you cannot get societies acceptance or think you will not have societies acceptance because of your past here are Arnold’s six Rules.
Arnold’s six rules say, first is TRUST YOURSELF to me is one of the biggest rules, 2. Break the Rules – unfortunately society makes these rules, not like breaking the law like we may be used to doing, break the boundaries life tries to set on us. 3. NEVER be afraid to fail, most of the time that is what gets us in the emotions or addiction, take it in stride and try again or move on. 4. Don’t Listen to the Naysayers much like Rule 2 and 3 they all tie together, when someone tells you it cannot be done, be the first to tell them or show them it can. 5. As most things is to work your ass off. 6. GIVE BACK nothing greater than the feeling of you helped someone. Feel the smiles and the warmth you can bring.
I guess I said all that to say I am thankful to be alive and healthy and for family & friends. If you know someone who may need something to lift them out of a hole don’t be afraid to show them this. I am very humbled by my experience and where I am today. Remember to live a little, laugh a little, and love a lot.
Sorry so lengthy, Sorry if it runs together. We ain’t perfect. 🙂
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